Dealing with Envy
It happens with alarming frequency in the modern world. You open Instagram to see your happy friends traveling to exotic places (it’s even worse when it’s an influencer who gets paid for it!). Or maybe you hear of an old classmate land a job at a prestigious company with a fancy title.
Feeling envious of someone’s success is absolutely normal. Losing your sense of contentment over it is optional.
Over the years, I have compiled some questions for whenever I feel an incoming surge of envy. I hope they’ll help you as they have helped me in processing my emotions:
1. Would you trade everything in your life for theirs? Everything means everything: your body, your mind, family, friends, where you live and work, and more.
When we envy someone, we compare a thin slice of their life, with the entirety of our own. But no life is perfect. Peel away the veneer and you’ll usually find some flavor of human suffering: regrets, angry in-laws, paranoias, an acute health issue, broken hearts, or estranged relationships — to name a few probabilities. That’s just how it is.
Now, if in addition to the above, you develop gratitude for what you already have… chances are you wouldn’t trade lives because you have something precious in your own that is uniquely yours.
2. Did you put in the work? This is especially useful if your envy is of the professional variety. When you dig into the lives of highly accomplished people, you may find their success is built upon years if not decades of hard work. Have you put in the same effort? If not, why do you compare yourself? How is that fair at all?
3. Do you even really want what you’re envious of? Once you develop some distance from your emotions, it’s useful to dig a level deeper.
Do you really want that luxury car? What value would it add to your life? Wouldn’t it just feel like another car in 3 months time?
Are you sure you want that fancy job? Would you trade your health, relationships, and free time for the added responsibilities?